A Quirk of Fate

I am a not-so-young career lady, a workaholic mouse, a bookworm. In my younger days (which feels like not so long ago, but might just be delusion on my part), I’ve never really been a serious fan of any artist. I have admired a number of singers and actors (mostly Western), but not to the point of staying up as late (or as early) as four in the morning just to watch their shows, or cry when they cry. That’s not for me. I did cry when JD Salinger died. But that’s different I guess, a favorite author died. The only thing that could get me to stay up until the small hours of the morning is a book. As I said, a bookworm.

I discovered Korean dramas in 2008. When I didn’t bring home any work (which was sort of seldom) and there was nothing to read (which was sort of even more seldom) I turned to K-dramas. Over the years, even with my busy schedule and my nose buried in books, I’ve watched a fair number of K-dramas so I’m not unfamiliar with the Korean flower boys and girls. One time as I was passing through the living room, I saw Mum watching this drama where a guy was sitting on some stairs and choking while a girl was trying to pat his back or something. I didn’t stop to see what would happen. A few nights later, I went home, for the first time in a very long while, hours before sunset. I didn’t have anything to do so I browsed over some blogs about Korean Dramas. The blogger was discussing about something and there was this guy who looked exactly like the choking guy I saw on Mum’s TV screen. I asked her the title of the drama she’s recently watching (just to check if I got the right one). She said, quite uncertainly, “Hmm… Prince Rooftop or Prince on the Rooftop?”  So yeah, I got it, it was Rooftop Prince haha! She’s sixty so she forgets things. And that is how it all started.

The drama was the kind that made me laugh and cry. There were scenes that truly made me cry with the actor. That scene where he was shouting ‘princess’ over the floating body, oh boy I was a real mess.  He was very impressive whether as Lee Gak or Tae Young or Lee Gak pretending to be Tae Young. The way he portrayed the half-dead Tae Young gave me the shivers. And the way he did the comedic part was so refreshing because he wasn’t doing it while trying to be pretty at the same time. He was just being funny and making me laugh. I was thinking, who is this actor anyway? Who is Park Yoochun? I have to say it wasn’t really a “love-at-first-sight” kind of thing.  As I said, the K-dramaland is full of beautiful people, so it’s nothing extraordinary to find another beautiful couple in this drama.  But I have to admit it was a relief that the main actor looked like a man, instead of looking more beautiful than the female lead.  I mean he exudes manliness (especially in the Crown Prince Robe) even with those pretty eyelashes.  After finishing the drama a few days later I searched for other dramas of Park Yoochun. When I saw Sungkyunkwan Scandal on the list, I was more than surprised and excited. I’ve seen my Mum watching this on TV but I never got interested because it was a historical piece.  I’ve nothing against this type of drama, it’s just that I have to be in a certain kind of mood (and have a lot of time on my hands) to start one.  So I braced myself and started watching SKKS, because I HAD to see Park Yoochun again. And there goes my quirk of fate! Had I not clicked on the first episode of SKKS, I wouldn’t be here pouring my heart out over someone who doesn’t even know I exist. If Rooftop Prince was what made me curious about Park Yoochun, it was watching SKKS that got me mesmerized out of my wits.  Park Yoochun had me at Ibushio!

Park Yoochun totally messed up my reading habits! He is the only one who ever came between me and my books. After SKKS, I went into all his other dramas. I searched all articles and news about him, getting deeper into this unfamiliar  and unusual world – the world of being a fan, a serious admirer.

Yoochun brought me first to JYJ. I got confused initially when I saw five boys in some videos. I was thinking, who are these other two boys? That was when I was introduced to DBSK/TVXQ and all that happened from their debut to the coldest summer. I may talk about this topic in a future post, or I may not, but to this day I hardly have any words to express how much I feel for them, for the pain and the difficult years that Yoochun, Jaejoong and Junsu had to go through (and sort of still going through to some extent).  After two and a half years of following Park Yoochun I have seen hundreds of videos already, or perhaps thousands. But I’m pretty sure I haven’t watched every single one there is on Youtube.  There is just so much to see.  I can’t not watch DBSK’s old videos because Yoochun was part of it. And even after seeing the other talented members, my liking for Yoochun never wavered. No chance of transferring to another “bias” so to speak. I wasn’t in danger of any “bias wrecker” because, hey, the “bias wrecker” is my bias!

I never imagined I would succumb to this kind of deep admiration for someone so young, someone I have never met and will never meet personally.  I have a great admiration and deep respect for some few good men/women but their ages range from 100 to 500 years old and they are obviously not of this world anymore! I don’t know why Park Yoochun is the latest addition to that classic list. In my eyes Park Yoochun is a classic. I didn’t know my admiration/affection could get any deeper, but it did. I have a feeling that once you start liking him, there’s no chance that you’re ever gonna like another one. Of course that could only be true with me or a handful of women. Pftt.

So what did I see in this boy? Obviously he is a very handsome man. But he is not merely handsome.  What does set him apart from other handsome or more handsome men? His is not the out-of-this-world kind like other Korean actors’. It’s not what I would call blinding, but rather it’s more captivating or ensnaring. He may have a boy-next-door handsomeness but there is also this big undefinable X about him that draws you in until you find yourself entrapped.  There is something in his gaze that burns and goes directly to your knees. But is it really solely due to his looks that I fell for him? A big NO. Seeing his performances on stage and learning that he taught himself to play the piano at a young age and that he writes/composes beautiful music as well was part of it.

And why is he so mysteriously sexy anyway? He is not one to show so much skin (well, at least not lately) or do hip thrust at all a lot, but he exudes sensuality just by standing and holding his mic, buttoned up long-sleeves and all!  Is it his hands and the way he holds his mic? Or his facial expression while singing? Or the way his eyes look out into the crowd, winking his left when getting to a high note? I can’t really put my finger on it. Maybe it just comes from within, coming out of his pores or something.

But my undoing was the personality of the boy. I mean, why would a very serious, never-been-star-struck, no-nonsense career woman like me crave for news about him, fly to another country just to watch his group’s concert even just once in this lifetime? For a bookworm to find a comment in her Reading Challenge, “You are 10 books behind schedule!” would come under the heading of unusual, and that’s putting it mildly.  Sometimes I think I’ve totally lost it.

I won’t claim to know who the real Park Yoochun is, that would be delusional. I can only surmise from what I’ve seen of his videos, interviews, articles and what others say about him.  So how do I see him? He is an old soul in a young man’s body. He is a deep-thinker, a keen observer, a sincere, well-mannered young man, shy, quiet but sometimes noisy too, a troll to his friends and fans, humble, very sensitive, used to cry easily but now is able to hold it in, loves deeply and consequently gets hurt deeply, loyal, filial, responsible, respectful towards elders and seniors, funny, not afraid to make fun of himself or look goofy, is liked and admired by peers, and a whole lot more of the little things that make him very special.

What about his voice?  To this day, Yoochun’s part in Bolero is still the only thing that could make me feel like my soul is sailing out of my body. I know next to nothing about the technicalities of voice quality. Even so, the heart has its way of knowing what it wants to listen to. The heart cannot be dictated to on what could move it. It doesn’t follow rules, it is beyond rhyme or reason.

It’s his voice that touches my heart. It’s his voice that converses with my heart.

My heart seems to recognize his voice from a long time ago.

Written by:  Jellybean

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Revised original article shared by ParkYoochunSGFC