For a while now I have been wanting to share my story. Not for some special purpose but only because staying inside of me it makes me feel constricted at times.
Many people become fans of celebrities because of looks, personality, voice, acting, etc. I went through that as well with my other biases. But for Yoochun something totally weird and unexpected happened. And I’d like to share that with all of his fans. Maybe at the end of this you’d think I am crazy (which I won’t disagree with to be honest lol)
Being a fan of Kpop for the past 5 years now one cannot just focus on your own bias groups, especially when you’re not a teenager but slightly mature fan. So naturally I was aware of JYJ/DBSK. But over that time period I casually liked them. It helped that few of my Kpop friends were Cassies, the group I stan were friends with JYJ so yeah I knew of these guys, knew their story, listened to their songs but that was that. I wasn’t emotionally involved, I’d say, as I am now.
In February 2016 the JYJ Fruitful Trip came out. I came across it accidentally and ended up seeing the 5 episodes and realized how freaking hilarious the three of them are. Their antics and heartfelt talks touched my heart more. I suppose slowly they were making space in my heart. In that Yoochun’s last interview struck with me the most. The way he talked about the members’ feelings and the hardships they went through together and cherishing their name as JYJ I couldn’t help feel touched. Despite his cute and dorky exterior he appeared to be much more mature.
Then time went by and June came. When the first report came I was in a 50-50 position just waiting to see how it played. I didn’t take sides, like I said I wasn’t emotionally involved so I just remained a neutral. However when the second, third and fourth reports came in I was sure that it was some sort of scam. Such things are not uncommon as history dictates. Another member from my other stan group is known to have fallen victim to something similar so I was sure of Yoochun’s innocence. I make a point to avoid the ridiculous news sites, if you might call them that, however the way it all spiraled forth was something that I couldn’t ignore. I was just baffled how easy it was for people to take sides and reduce to slandering and character assassination. Once again I missed those times when ‘innocent until proven guilty’ was a thing. When people were more open to humanism and the good in man rather than branding them with an array of lewd remarks. Still I avoided it all and didn’t involve myself in any debate or comments war.
Then that day came. I remember it clearly, when Yoochun made an appearance at the police station for investigation. To this day I scroll past those photos and have not even seen the video. I just read the headline and that was all. I couldn’t bear to look at his haggard face. Something inside of me just cracked. It wasn’t something I wanted encoded in my memory. I had to avoid it. Luckily during those days I had downloaded Sensory Couple drama and Another Oh Hae Young and was contemplating which one to watch. But seeing his face like that, in an wrecked-like state I turned to Sensory Couple. The only thing in my mind was ‘I cannot see him in that state. I need to see his happy face. That should be the only face in my mind’.
It wasn’t that I don’t want to see his human side, it was just that I couldn’t stand him looking like that. It literally made my heart burst with sorrow so I had to do something. Incidentally I was also going through a rough patch personally at that time, so maybe that aggravated the whole thing as well. But anyways, I turned to Park Actor to console me, and that he did wonderfully! I got so addicted to his dramas and wonderful acting. From Sensory Couple to Miss Ripley to Three Days to I Miss You to Rooftop Price to Sungkyunkwan Scandal, in one month I finished all of them! It was absolutely addicting! I had intended to watch Sungkyunkwan Scandal first but because I don’t like saeguk dramas so I went with Sensory Couple BUT Rooftop Prince made me want to watch Sungkyunkwan Scandal because his acting as a Joseon-era person was so endearing it made me wanting for more. Afterwards I watched Sea Fog because like I said, Park Actor had mesmerized me completely and gosh was he amazing in that or what. It was my first Korean movie and seeing him act like that made me appreciate his hard work even more.
So during the time of this whole scandal, a lonesome girl was being consoled by Park Actor and by the time it ended his innocence had been proven and my heart was put to rest. But a fire had been lit and it needed more fuel. So I started watching JYJ DVDs. Phase II was in action, now it was time for Singer Chun to ensnare me. Unfortunately one of the downsides of where I am from, I cannot order Kpop cds/dvds etc. (sad international fan) but I must say JYJ fans are awesome for putting them up online. It really helps fans like me and others to discover their charms more. I hope one day I can fly to Korea and empty my bank account but let’s see when that happens. Anyways, from the first performance of Baboboy in Return of the Kings concert it was again impossible for me to handle Park Yoochun. And then his rapping and then his manly screams (I mute my speakers every time he does that, it does things to me I cannot handle) it was all so overwhelming. I did not know what was happening to me. To this day I think what why how ???
Well after concert watching spree again I was left wanting for more. As you might’ve noticed by now I seem as if I was addicted to a drug and after reaching a tolerance level I needed more. I must say I agree with you if you think that, because yes, PYC is like a drug to me. And I am sure there is no cure for it. Anyways from there on I went to digging old DBSK shows and came across his family story. That made me realize that Yoochun is not someone who matured just now cuz he’s older. Back when he was barely an adult he spoke so sensibly on many things and that made me appreciate him even more (if that’s possible). Plus weirdly, I noticed that with the rest of my biases it’s like ‘you smile I smile, you cry I cry’ but with Yoochun again that wasn’t the case. Seeing him cry didn’t make me tear up, it actually made my heart swell with pride that such an amazing person who has come out so strong on the other end has made a cherishable place in my heart. It made me want to hug him tightly and tell him ‘you did well’. Sometimes people work hard in an attempt to compensate for shortcomings and don’t expect any appreciation in return. I got that feeling from him which is why I want to tell him that he did good, he did the best and it is more than enough!
And that is the end of that. Now I am left combing the internet for pictures and videos of him, just to satisfy my craving. I’d also like to mention one thing. I’ve lived through 4 army enlistments of my bias group members. But not even with my ultimate bias I had these feelings of missing him, but each and every day I miss Yoochun. Each and every day I am compelled to watch one funny video, save 30 pictures of him just because I miss him and want to see him and hear his voice or laughter or see him dork around with JaeSu.
I do not understand this at all. Why is it like this? It didn’t happen with anyone else. With others I was struck and shocked and cried while sending them away but with Yoochun only I miss him like there’s a bad heartache. Sometimes I laugh at myself for feeling this way, but as I said before, there is no medicine for it.
So this is basically the story of how I became a fan of Park Yoochun because of this scandal, because I couldn’t see his worn out face. I suppose if all that hadn’t happened I might’ve remained a casual fan, watching his dramas, listening to his music and just appreciating from afar. But because of all this I’ve discovered a wonderful human being and wonderful fans who have such warm and amazing hearts to stay by his side through these tough times.
There is nothing more I can do except wish Yoochun all the very best for his future. I hope he returns from his service and is able to come out strong once again at the other end whether it be in drama or music or just even if he takes a rest from it all. He deserves nothing short of happiness and peace and I hope he has it, even if it takes time, and I shall not leave his side in my heart for now and forever.
Written by: samts16
(Photos credit to owners/as tagged)