A letter to Park Yuchun ssi…
I don’t know how to write a letter like this. I don’t know what I should say. I am not good at expressing myself. I always seem to say too much or too little. If I were standing in front of you right now, I probably wouldn’t be able to say anything at all. How do you tell someone how deeply they have affected your life, and how deeply you care about theirs? How do you speak to someone, and about someone, that has come to seem like a familiar friend, and as dear to you as a family member, when they don’t even know who you are? When all the usual rules of introduction have already been broken; when you’re standing on such unequal terms?
My world is far away from yours. My life is very simple. Because of an illness I’ve had for many years which prevents me from being independent, I live with my parents and I help my mother take care of our home. Unlike many women in my circumstances though, I am content with this. I enjoy the simple things of life. Laughing with my family, cooking delicious food, seeing the flowers bloom, watching the seasons change, and listening to the quiet whisper of the wind in the trees are all things that bring my heart happiness. These are the priceless things. Eight months ago I didn’t know who you are either. I was living in my quiet world and I had only just discovered K-dramas. They were simply a way to experience a different culture and to pass the time pleasantly. I was still unaware of a man named Park Yuchun ssi.
However, there is something about me you should know… I am the type of person who is very interested in the reasons behind things. I don’t want to walk blindly through this world. I want to understand it and the people living in it. Despite my reserved nature, I am fascinated by people and the vast worlds within them. I’m interested in why we laugh; why we love; why we hate; why we are afraid; what gives us strength, and all the things that make us who we are as individuals. I love stories for that reason. I watch films for that reason. I began studying psychology for that reason. Also, for that reason I had been listening to interviews with various different actors because it allows a unique opportunity to better understand human behavior. As an actor, you must think about things that others do not in order to gain insight into the characters you portray. You are also regularly asked questions regarding your perspectives on life and various situations that are sometimes difficult for me to ask even a close friend. For someone as shy as I am, listening to those in your profession was the perfect way to analyze human psychology without putting myself in the very vulnerable position of having to actually interact with anyone. I did the same thing when I saw you. I first became aware of you by watching SKKS, and something about your expressions made me want to know what kind of person you are.
And so I watched interviews. I found out that you are a gifted singer, self-taught musician, songwriter, and member of the group JYJ. I found out that you have faced great adversity and sorrow in your life and have dealt with it courageously. I found out that you are a caring son and a respected brother. I found out that you are funny and sweet and often mischievous. I found out that you are protective of those you love. I saw how talented you are as an actor. I saw that you are considerate and humble. I saw that you have a kind heart. I saw that you are intelligent and think deeply about life. I saw all these things and a myriad more. I do not say I thought you were perfect. You are just a man after all, and every man has flaws, but I saw that you had a good soul. I found that I had a deep respect for you. I began to pray for you. I prayed that you would have peace, and joy, and the knowledge of how much God loves you. I prayed that you would be safe and healthy.
And then your birthday came, and a day that should have brought happiness brought distress instead; to both you and everyone in this world who cares about you. I do not want to remind you of these things unnecessarily. The grief you must have experienced I cannot even begin to imagine. I only say this so that you understand that during that time you were never alone! No one who cares about Park Yuchun ssi ever doubted your innocence for even one moment. The things you were accused of were not something a man with your personality would ever do. I did not need to study psychology to know that. No one who has looked into your eyes would ever believe those obvious lies.
I began to pray harder; because even though this calamity had occurred, I knew my prayers were not futile. I prayed as I have never prayed for another soul in my entire life. I prayed almost constantly for two months. It felt as though a member of my own family were experiencing this suffering, but I had no way to know if they would be alright. I prayed for you. I prayed for your family. As I prayed I sensed God speaking to my heart telling me that He was on your side; that despite the harm that was intended toward you by those falsely accusing you, He had allowed this time of suffering for a good purpose and that He had a plan for your life that was much greater than anything you’d experienced unto this point. Also, that if you would allow Him, He would fill your heart with His love and peace. I felt Him say that He would comfort you and heal you of these wounds. I cried for your sorrow, but I felt comfort in these assurances from God. I had no way of knowing I would ever be able to convey those feelings to you directly. I never expected to have the chance to talk to you like this. I only knew that you needed strength, and that strength comes from God, so I prayed.
Then I began to feel compelled to do things I’ve never done. I began interacting with your other supporters on one of the JYJ fan blogs. Originally, I was simply seeking accurate information that would indicate that you would be okay, but in doing so, I realized I was not the only one who felt this way. I began to see comments from people all around the world who cared about you. I came up with an idea that I hoped would bring you encouragement, which I called “Watch for Yoochun” week. As a result of that, I found myself in charge of an international fan campaign. I found people who supported my idea because they cared just as much as I did about your future. I was asked to tell this story of how I became your supporter. As I am also a singer and musician, I began to write songs. Whereas in the past I had never been able to write lyrics for the songs I had composed, words suddenly flowed from my mind. I met other Christians who had been praying for you as earnestly as I had and who had felt God saying the same things to them concerning you. We began to pray together. We are still praying. We will continue to pray. God never left you and neither will we!
Do these things seem strange to you? I will not lie… They have seemed strange to me. I am a very intuitive person, but nothing that has happened since I first became aware of you has been something I ever would have predicted. I never would have thought anyone could be so greedy, cruel, and unjust as these women, the media, and those who blindly believed them. I never would have thought someone as shy as me would be writing this letter. I never would have thought that someone I have never met, who lives on the other side of the world, would take up so much space in my heart. Did I say I want to know the reasons behind things? These things have reasons I may never understand.
I will end by saying that my prayer has been, and will always be, that you will know how greatly you are loved! Loved by God, your family, your friends; and by people across the entire world who you do not know, but who know you, and wish to see you smile with joy once again!
With sincere respect,
Written by: Seryn