This Is My Prayer

A letter to Park Yuchun ssi…

 

안녕하세요

I don’t know how to write a letter like this. I don’t know what I should say. I am not good at expressing myself. I always seem to say too much or too little. If I were standing in front of you right now, I probably wouldn’t be able to say anything at all. How do you tell someone how deeply they have affected your life, and how deeply you care about theirs? How do you speak to someone, and about someone, that has come to seem like a familiar friend, and as dear to you as a family member, when they don’t even know who you are? When all the usual rules of introduction have already been broken; when you’re standing on such unequal terms?

My world is far away from yours. My life is very simple. Because of an illness I’ve had for many years which prevents me from being independent, I live with my parents and I help my mother take care of our home. Unlike many women in my circumstances though, I am content with this. I enjoy the simple things of life. Laughing with my family, cooking delicious food, seeing the flowers bloom, watching the seasons change, and listening to the quiet whisper of the wind in the trees are all things that bring my heart happiness. These are the priceless things. Eight months ago I didn’t know who you are either. I was living in my quiet world and I had only just discovered K-dramas. They were simply a way to experience a different culture and to pass the time pleasantly. I was still unaware of a man named Park Yuchun ssi.

However, there is something about me you should know… I am the type of person who is very interested in the reasons behind things. I don’t want to walk blindly through this world. I want to understand it and the people living in it. Despite my reserved nature, I am fascinated by people and the vast worlds within them. I’m interested in why we laugh; why we love; why we hate; why we are afraid; what gives us strength, and all the things that make us who we are as individuals. I love stories for that reason. I watch films for that reason. I began studying psychology for that reason. Also, for that reason I had been listening to interviews with various different actors because it allows a unique opportunity to better understand human behavior. As an actor, you must think about things that others do not in order to gain insight into the characters you portray. You are also regularly asked questions regarding your perspectives on life and various situations that are sometimes difficult for me to ask even a close friend. For someone as shy as I am, listening to those in your profession was the perfect way to analyze human psychology without putting myself in the very vulnerable position of having to actually interact with anyone. I did the same thing when I saw you. I first became aware of you by watching SKKS, and something about your expressions made me want to know what kind of person you are.

And so I watched interviews. I found out that you are a gifted singer, self-taught musician, songwriter, and member of the group JYJ. I found out that you have faced great adversity and sorrow in your life and have dealt with it courageously. I found out that you are a caring son and a respected brother. I found out that you are funny and sweet and often mischievous. I found out that you are protective of those you love. I saw how talented you are as an actor. I saw that you are considerate and humble. I saw that you have a kind heart. I saw that you are intelligent and think deeply about life. I saw all these things and a myriad more. I do not say I thought you were perfect. You are just a man after all, and every man has flaws, but I saw that you had a good soul. I found that I had a deep respect for you. I began to pray for you. I prayed that you would have peace, and joy, and the knowledge of how much God loves you. I prayed that you would be safe and healthy.

And then your birthday came, and a day that should have brought happiness brought distress instead; to both you and everyone in this world who cares about you. I do not want to remind you of these things unnecessarily. The grief you must have experienced I cannot even begin to imagine. I only say this so that you understand that during that time you were never alone! No one who cares about Park Yuchun ssi ever doubted your innocence for even one moment. The things you were accused of were not something a man with your personality would ever do. I did not need to study psychology to know that. No one who has looked into your eyes would ever believe those obvious lies.

I began to pray harder; because even though this calamity had occurred, I knew my prayers were not futile. I prayed as I have never prayed for another soul in my entire life. I prayed almost constantly for two months. It felt as though a member of my own family were experiencing this suffering, but I had no way to know if they would be alright. I prayed for you. I prayed for your family. As I prayed I sensed God speaking to my heart telling me that He was on your side; that despite the harm that was intended toward you by those falsely accusing you, He had allowed this time of suffering for a good purpose and that He had a plan for your life that was much greater than anything you’d experienced unto this point. Also, that if you would allow Him, He would fill your heart with His love and peace. I felt Him say that He would comfort you and heal you of these wounds. I cried for your sorrow, but I felt comfort in these assurances from God. I had no way of knowing I would ever be able to convey those feelings to you directly. I never expected to have the chance to talk to you like this. I only knew that you needed strength, and that strength comes from God, so I prayed.

Then I began to feel compelled to do things I’ve never done. I began interacting with your other supporters on one of the JYJ fan blogs. Originally, I was simply seeking accurate information that would indicate that you would be okay, but in doing so, I realized I was not the only one who felt this way. I began to see comments from people all around the world who cared about you. I came up with an idea that I hoped would bring you encouragement, which I called “Watch for Yoochun” week. As a result of that, I found myself in charge of an international fan campaign. I found people who supported my idea because they cared just as much as I did about your future. I was asked to tell this story of how I became your supporter. As I am also a singer and musician, I began to write songs. Whereas in the past I had never been able to write lyrics for the songs I had composed, words suddenly flowed from my mind. I met other Christians who had been praying for you as earnestly as I had and who had felt God saying the same things to them concerning you. We began to pray together. We are still praying. We will continue to pray. God never left you and neither will we!

Do these things seem strange to you? I will not lie… They have seemed strange to me. I am a very intuitive person, but nothing that has happened since I first became aware of you has been something I ever would have predicted. I never would have thought anyone could be so greedy, cruel, and unjust as these women, the media, and those who blindly believed them. I never would have thought someone as shy as me would be writing this letter. I never would have thought that someone I have never met, who lives on the other side of the world, would take up so much space in my heart. Did I say I want to know the reasons behind things? These things have reasons I may never understand.

I will end by saying that my prayer has been, and will always be, that you will know how greatly you are loved! Loved by God, your family, your friends; and by people across the entire world who you do not know, but who know you, and wish to see you smile with joy once again!

 

With sincere respect,

 

Seryn

 

 

HoldOnYuchun

 

 

 

Written by: Seryn

Waving-American-Flag.jpg

 

 

P93

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37 thoughts on “This Is My Prayer”

  1. I don’t know how to write a letter like this. I don’t know what I should say, yeach like u said me too and i’m always confused to start writing, so many words that wanted to express, as though all the same want to get out of the mind.
    btw thank u @seryn to share your great story ab yu..
    thank u @jelly bean .. hope next i can share mystory in this page ^_^

    Like

  2. This is one of the most beautiful letters I’ve ever read. I found myself agreeing with everything, at the same time, I was a bit in awe because of your writing. It’s very beautiful.

    I’m glad to meet a person like you.

    Like

    1. @cherryinvain Thank you! Truly! I don’t how to respond to such a sweet compliment! ☺️ I am humbled and honored you feel that way! I’m also glad to meet you! Please feel free to email me any time. I set up an account for the project we’re working on, but you can use it to reach me. It’s serynsong@gmail.com . Blessings to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel related whenever reading a chunsa story, like they speak on my behalf so on the spot. It touched my heart so deep deep. Thank you Seryn for writing this beautiful story and for your hardwork for the project. I believe it will reach him and give him strength.

    Oh and I just realized no matter how much similarities we have towards yoochun, we will never ran out of words. It’s just simply amazing. Words can comfort. Words can heal. Send lotta love to JB unnie, Pagesboundby6002 is a blessing.

    Like

    1. @chunsafiya Thank you so much for your kind words! I know that so many people share my feelings in regard to Yuchun. It was what prompted the idea for the project, and it is something I wanted to come across in the letter. I tried to write on their behalf as well. I wish I could mention every one of them by name! He has so many beautiful souls who support him with all their heart. I hope we hear good news about him soon. He is strong, but I hope he does not have to endure this difficult time much longer!

      And yes, @Jellybean is amazing! What she is doing here is so incredible and selfless! I’m honored she wished to include me!

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  4. Dear Seryn, I just want to say Praise God for your letter to Yu Chun. I pray he reads this and knows he is loved. More loved than he ever imagines.

    Like you and many others, I have been praying God will be real to him and comfort him. Because humanly speaking,it’s impossible for a young man of 30 to be able to take such abuse hurled at his very core by the media in S Korea and other countries. I worry he may be overwhelmed by depression and give up living. Where I come from, there is hardly any news in the media on him or JYJ. Yet the moment it happens, our national paper and popular women’s magazine feed off the media frenzy from S Korea .

    I digress.

    This post is not about his grief per se. Your story is also about how ordinary mortals all over the world have come to love a man whose life since 17 , has touched many. Not just touched. But moved and healed many of their pain and inner hurts. This incident too will encourage others never to give up hope even in untold despair and adversity.

    Thank you Seryn. I hope we will see more of your beautiful writings here.

    Like

    1. @YC Love Thank you so much for your gracious words! As much as I would love to be able to say these things to Yuchun, realistically, I don’t know if he will ever read them. However, if my letter can serve the purpose of encouraging and helping to unite the hearts of those who are praying for him, then it will not have been written in vain. Faith is a very powerful thing! If we as believers agree on something and have our desire centered in God’s love, I know He will honor that. If my words can help anyone, then my purpose in writing them will be accomplished.

      Also, you are so right! That has been my most frequent prayer… That Yuchun would turn to God for the strength to overcome this. Only in God will he find what he needs.

      I have been overwhelmed by what God has asked me to do lately and the response it has received! Please pray for me that I will keep my eyes focused squarely on His purpose, not my own. Blessings to you, sweet soul!

      Like

  5. Lovely, as all of Seryn’s writings are – they are as lovely as she is. Thanks for sharing your story. It was moving and very beautiful. 🙂

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  6. you spoke my heart with your letter! words i want to say but cannot get from my heart to paper.i have done the same and prayed for him. thank you so much for saying what so many others feel. i hope he does get to read this cause it will surely give him hope and love! ❤

    Like

    1. I’m glad I could do that, koreamom! You have one of the sweetest hearts I’ve ever encountered. I know how much you love him and that you are one of the ones praying for him! Even if he never reads my letter, it makes me so happy to keep hearing everyone say that their feelings echo my own. The unity of our spirits confirms to me that God is indeed at work in Yuchun’s life. 🙂

      Like

  7. Thank you Seryn. lovely letter to Yuchun and that how most of us felt this few months. I don’t have skills to write such beautiful letter still I enjoy reading all those heart felt letters and comments from fans all over the world expressing their concern and love toward Yuchun and JYJ members.

    Tonight after comeback from work I will watch ‘I Miss You’ episode 1 and 2 and continue until finish all Yuchun dramas and Seafog. I will always support fan projects for JYJ members.

    Thank you Seryn for all your effort. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Like

    1. Thank you, @akisa.c!

      I knew when I wrote this letter that there are many, many people who feel as I do. Every person is unique, yet to have all our hearts united in concern and love for him is an amazing thing! Thank you for always supporting him and for joining us in our efforts to do the same! 🙂

      Like

  8. Dear Seryn, this is one of the most lovely letter to Yoochun that I ever read. Simplicity and all from the bottom of your heart. For a just 8 months fan of Yoochun, I really feel thankful you have done a lot for him. Frequent read all your supporting comments for him at JYJ3. Since I run into his world 2 years ago, I never leave his side. Still stand by him and believe him. So it’s totally not strange at all.

    Surely will support your project #Watch For Yoochun from my place. And also hand in hand together.. we will support him to go thru his difficult time.

    Like

    1. “hand in hand together… we will support him to go thru this difficult time.”

      Your words are also filled with heartfelt concern and support, Believe_yu! Thank you for your sincerity and kind thoughts! They mean a lot to me! I never expected my voice to make much difference. I only wanted to show my support in whatever small way I could.

      Together we will all help him through this time, just as you said! Blessings to you! 🙂

      Like

  9. “I don’t know how to write a letter like this. I don’t know what I should say. I am not good at expressing myself.”
    Excuse me.
    Can somebody here explain to me what @Seryn meant by this?
    .
    .
    If this is not good at expressing oneself, then what is good? OMG #knocksyourhead
    GIVE ME ALL YOUR HUMBLE PILLS, tsk! xDDDDDD

    Like

  10. Have you ever felt you heart crumple up like a piece of discarded paper that was full of foolish thoughts and typos? I have to say this… I have been reading back through previous letters to Yuchun by the other ladies here. Thank you, Jellybean, for giving me the chance to speak what was on my heart! I do not deserve to have my letter sitting along side theirs. It is ridiculous how hard it is for me to get to the point of what I am trying to say. They have written such simple, direct, heartfelt words and my letter is so unworthy of the kind responses it’s received. When I say I am not a good writer, that is why. I want to be able to convey my thoughts as they have… Without the confusion of so many unnecessary words! I’m so humbled right now I cannot look up. Thank you to all of you for showing me so much love and acceptance! I’m so grateful to be have been included in this effort to show Yuchun what he means to us… I will never know why I was, but I am grateful!

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  11. “No one who cares about Park Yuchun shi ever doubted your innocence for even one moment. The things you were accused of were not something a man with your personality would ever do. I did not need to study psychology to know that. No one who has looked into your eyes would ever believe those obvious lies.”
    My thoughts exactly!
    Any true fan of Chun’s will agree with you here, hehe~^^

    Like

  12. “It felt as though a member of my own family were experiencing this suffering, but I had no way to know if they would be alright.”

    I’m with you… and pray for him, just like pray to my own family.
    Thank you for your heartwarming letter.. *hug* may God bless always bless you, Yoochun, JB and all chunsa here
    You guys are amazing

    Like

    1. Thank you, @Acing! *hugs* The words you said meant a lot to me! If my letter had no other effect, I’m so happy if it can unite the hearts of the people praying for Yuchun. Even if he never reads any of our words here, our prayers will still reach him! God can still touch his heart and his life if we have faith! I pray God will bless you too, sweet soul! 🙂

      And yes… I completely agree! @Jellybean and all of the Chunsas here are truly amazing!! 💜💜💜

      Like

  13. Thank you Seryn. I couldn’t help my tears welling up in my eyes when reading your beautiful story. I am a Chunsa of China, being Yoochun fan 5 months ago. A lot of wonderful things happened around me during these days. I am grateful to all you have done for Yoochun. Would you mind my translating your letter into Chinese? I have the impulse to want more chunsas around me in China to know your story. They should be touched and be encouraged deeply like me. We will stand by Yoochun all the time.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, kloudzh! I’m deeply grateful if my letter has touched or encouraged you! I’m also very humbled by the positive reaction I have received. I don’t feel I am worthy of it, but there are so many beautiful souls in the Chunsa family, and they have all been very gracious to me! I can tell you are another example of that! 🙂

      I would be honored for you to translate my story! If it can help in some small way to unite the hearts of Chunsa’s in their love and concern for Yuchun, there is nothing that would make me happier! I have one small request though. Could you use the email address I posted in one of the comments above to send me a copy of it when you are done? Even though I do not read or speak Chinese, I am a calligrapher, and I have always thought that Chinese was one of the most beautiful written languages there are. I would take great delight in seeing my words printed in those characters. 🙂

      Many blessings to you!! ❤ We will indeed keep standing with Yoochun always!!

      Like

      1. Dear Seryn, I am so happy to receive your approval and couragement. I will do my best to translate your story into beautiful words in Chinese. And I am sure to send you it when all have done. Thank you again for your help.

        Like

      2. You’re most welcome! 🙂 I have one other small request though. Please be sure to give credit to “Pages Bound by 6002”. I owe Jellybean an enormous debt for her kindness! If it were not for her and this wonderful blog she’s created, no one would have read this letter. Many blessings to you! As I said before, I am very honored you wished to share my story with others. 🙂

        Like

  14. Dearest Seryn,

    I love your letter.. i got emotional reading this.. it made me tear and had goosebumps all over.. thank you for sharing this.. i can’t say more… and i’m sorry coz i’m lost of words.. you pulled some strings in me..

    Again thank you.. keep safe and God bless..

    Let’s keep praying..

    With much love..

    Like

    1. First of all, thank you, Abbie.gaile! I could hear the sincerity in your words and I appreciate them so much! I can tell you have a caring heart. 🙂

      Secondly… Yes! We will always continue to pray for him! I believe God will hear our prayers!
      May you be blessed and safe also! *hugs*

      With much love,
      Seryn

      Like

  15. What an amazing letter! Thanks @jellybean for giving us a place for us Chunsas to share our love for YuChun. This place is like a sunflower field where we plough it with unity, support, love, care and hope. And most importantly, this land is looked after by God who will never desert our prayers! Dear @seryn, I love your way of expressing your sincere care for YuChun, prayers! I was moved to tears! I believe that YuChun will be able to get strength and hope from our essays! Let’s keep pouring out our words of kindness and encouragement to YuChun! Let’s pray that our talented YuChun can get through this ordeal and come back with bigger success in his career!

    Like

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