When I first learnt about the news, I felt numb. I felt my whole body paralyzing, cold sweat running over me, knots in my stomach. I had nausea and trouble focusing. Then I cried. Then I felt sick. Then I felt sad. Then I felt scared. I went through many stages. Because I don’t know you personally, I initially told myself, “what if it’s true?” But I quickly overcame this thought. It simply cannot be. For myriads of reasons. Then I was angry because one silly mistake caused this whole mess. Even in my love for you, I still couldn’t help but feel that you were dumb enough to fall into this trap, and taking along Jaejoong and Junsu with you. Your poor mother. Your beloved brother. Your fans who will become a subject of ridicule.
But isn’t this mentality also victim blaming? Was it your fault that this got out of proportion? Was it your fault that some people clearly took advantage of you and dragged you to the mud, serving their own malicious agendas? This is just like saying that a girl went asking for rape because she was wearing a mini skirt. Never blame the victim for someone else’s actions. People make dumb mistakes all the time. It doesn’t mean they deserve to be raped, or killed, or have their names smeared with no respect at all, like what’s happening to you right now. It’s the media crucifying you, with no proof, along with a horde of netizens, thirsty for their weekly scandal. They won’t care in a few days. But you will. And those around you will. And we will, too, because we’ll be in pain with you.
I do not have doubts in my heart that you didn’t do what you were accused of. You might have been reckless, stupid, dumb, gullible, whatever—which also remains to be proven—but you are no rapist. I might be delusional. But you have to be a bit delusional to have faith. And I honestly do not care what others think of me. I have never been a black or white person and I’m not God to talk about morality and who has it better. I see the grey areas, always.
I do not want to blame the girl either. I never once did, from the beginning. But not because I believe her, but because she might also be a victim in this situation that got out of hand. There’s too many contradictions, and too many sources that proved to be untrustworthy, to jump into conclusions and contrary to what some other people do, I actually do wait for more information before I start blaming left and right.
I believe justice will prevail in the end. It might take a while, and some damages are irreversible, but you’ll get through this, as you have with all the other hard times in your life. Perhaps this experience will give you something good in the long run, something that neither you nor we can see at the moment. I always believe in the phrase “every cloud has a silver lining”.
Your motto is “always keep the faith”. Just gain strength from that, your family, your friends, and your fans. Because you know what, I’ve yet to see a Chunsa to disappoint me. You have amazing people believing in you. We will go through hard times too, but we’ll stick together.
And we’ll overcome this.
Take my hand
You know I’m here with you
Say my name
Cuz lies can’t kill the truth
~Xia – Flower