Living an ordinary housewife’s life, even though I am a drama lover, I have never really become a fan of any artist, especially as my (late) husband was not so fond of me giving so much time to dramas. So watching dramas just became a small part of my daily activities. Oh yeah.. it was more like “I like this actor” or “I like that actress…” because of their good acting and good storyline of the drama… Or I liked listening to certain singers because I just liked their music.
My lifestyle changed at the end of year 2014. It all started from a phone call from my hometown in the middle of the night…. a phone call that brought a very bad news for me. My youngest brother collapsed and left this world so suddenly without any symptom. In less than one month after it happened, when I have not had the time to fully digest this fact properly, nevermind mourn my brother’s sudden death, my husband and I travelled to another country and the same thing happened. My husband suddenly felt so sick and within half an hour he was gone. My world just suddenly stopped turning, and everything came crashing down. Left alone in a foreign country, so many things to settle, no job, no children, my family so far away since my husband and I are from different countries, I just cannot comprehend how I walked through those days. I don’t even want to remember how I came through. How I often wished it was me who left this world… so that I didn’t have to endure those feelings. I cannot tell you how I felt, there are just no words to describe it.
At that time, my life was just full of tears that I had to endure everyday. I had no one to go to, my family and my husband’s family were so far from me. And my family was still in mourning over my brother’s passing. So I made myself seem strong to them, I had to tell them that I was okay and I could handle everything by myself. What I didn’t tell them was I cried every night until no more tears would flow that it was just so hard to breathe.
When I needed something to numb my feelings, that’s when I started my K-Drama marathon. I specially looked for sad dramas, the sadder, the better, but with a happy ending. I think I needed to live in a fantasy or unreal world, even for just a while. My niece introduced me to Hyun Bin’s dramas (because she was Hyun Bin’s fan). And since then I also liked to dig into and read the actor’s news I happened to be watching from the internet. But I never had an interest in one actor for long.
My meeting with Park Yoochun was not love at the first sight as well (just like with most Chunsas, I think). But one thing is for sure, he was the one who started to lit a light, just like a candle, during the darkest moment of my life. After knowing him, I never had the interest to look at other artists anymore. I am not a K-pop lover, but I listen to his songs or any songs with his voice in it (JYJ and old DBSK songs).
My first meeting with Yoochun was the drama “I Miss You”. Before Hyun Bin, I never had any interest to find out who the actor or actress was in the dramas or movies I was watching, so I just let the drama end without knowing who he was. The second encounter was Rooftop Prince. I finished Rooftop Prince in 2 days. And cried a lot at the ending. I was so impressed with his acting and the storyline, and asked myself how come this actor looked so familiar? Have I ever watched his drama before? I started to look for his name and found out his name is Park Yoochun from JYJ. And he is a singer. Since then, my days were never spent without reading news of Yoochun. I watched every drama he acted in, again and again. The same with his movie. I read every article about him, watched every video clip of him from Youtube. And the more I knew about Singer Yoochun, the more ‘I fell in love’ with him. His album is the first album that I bought for myself as a gift.
I am still in grief… I still miss my loved ones so much, but in this one year plus that I’ve know Yoochun… he has become like a good companion to me. When I am feeling down, which still happens all the time, I just turn on Yoochun’s songs or watch his video clips on Youtube. For sad videos I feel a kind of relief after crying, and for his dorkiness and trolling videos, I will laugh by myself like a crazy person. But I am just so happy that he exists in this world.
What of him that I love??? I think everything! His beauty that shines from the inside….he makes me stay away from my sadness with his smile, his cuteness, his dorkiness. I really love his voice, it can bring out every emotion in me . Every song of his is like a lullaby to my ears that I need every night. I still remember I cried so hard reading his life’s story, his journey. His down to earth character, his love for his family and his members, really make me respect him more, and at the same time make me feel ashamed of myself. How come a man who is so much younger than myself can be so wise and deep in thinking, and can be so much stronger than me? His ‘never give up way of life’ makes me want to be a stronger person too.
The lyrics of his composition like Dad, Are You There and Kiss Shita Mama Sayonara, are just like words from my mind and represent exactly the same feeling of mine towards my loved ones. And his song “How much love do you have in your wallet” is just like a guideline in my life, the lyrics is a lead to my new path in life. Despite life being tough, we need to keep smiling. That’s just how life is for us all. After all, life doesn’t always go the way we want it to.
Knowing him have somehow taught me that even though I have lost my loved ones, I still have parents and other family members to care for. I need to treat my family better and live a better life while I still have the chance, because life is short.
My love for Park Yoochun is not a fangirling type, since I am too old for that. But I did start to use his photos as my phone wallpaper (shame..shame). I started to influence my family to watch his dramas and listen to his songs. While I’m still far from being a success in turning my family to become his fans, but still… my mom just loves every one of his dramas and tells me, “Yeah, he is one of the actors that I like”. And even my Dad who is not a drama lover, watched part of The Girl Who Sees Smells and laughed a lot. He even commented, ”Oh this boy, even though he looks silly, he is so adorable”. And my youngest niece is starting to compare him with other actors. When we were comparing some actors with him she would always say…”Yoochun is cuter..and his voice is the one that I recognize easily in DBSK songs.” She is just 13 years old .
Is he perfect?? No… nobody is perfect in this world. He has his flaws and his own character, but for me..Yoochun is just perfect. He reminds me of my ideal type when I was young. What of him that I like most is his “I don’t want to fake” character. And I guess “When one never thinks high of himself, it’s the one thing that makes him improve all the time”. Where to see an actor who has received so many awards for his works and still so shy and blank on the stage when giving his speech? But the aura..the charisma..is just there.
And I would like him to know, after “knowing” him, I was able to smile again. Listening to his songs every night, I can sleep again. I just love who he is. He is just like medicine to me when I am down, and from there I hope he will treat his fans as his vitamins as well when he is down. Since Chunsas are the most beautiful and will always be there for him anytime. And I wish for his happiness and success, and at the same time I will start a better life for me and find my own happiness.
And lastly, my message to the birthday boy :
You are very special and that’s why you need to float with lots of smiles on your lovely face. Let’s light the candles and celebrate this special day of your life. I wish your every day to be filled with lots of love, laughter, happiness and the warmth of sunshine. Happy birthday, Yoochunie!!!
Written by: Lily (@believe_yu6002)
(Pic credit to owner)