Blessing In Disguise

It might sound cliché, but my journey of becoming a Chunsa is like no other. However, first you should have some background to better understand the story.

At 18 years old, I had left my home to come to UK for my studies. It had been a very difficult thing for me to accomplish as we had rather humble financial prospects, and I was able to come here only because I received a loan from the UK government to pay for my studies. The first year had been hard on me as I always had to worry about money, leading me to a depression for a few months, but I had found a beautiful family who had taken me as a nanny for their darling baby and so my second year was much better.

It was at the end of that second year, when my laptop had crashed on me completely and I had no money to pay for the reparation. Luckily enough my mother had come to see me for the first time in two years (we found some super cheap tickets) and so she took the laptop back home with her to have our IT friend fix it. But that meant that I wouldn’t have a laptop for three months till I went back home to visit my family.

And that is how I found myself only with an iPhone. And God bless its creator, because I would’ve gone crazy otherwise.

My job as a nanny usually started from 4pm onwards almost every single day, so from morning till early evening I had absolutely nothing to do except for reading books. But once I’ve gone through my entire collection, I had to find some other activity to keep me occupied. That’s how the “brilliant” idea to watch dramas came to me. Yet how would I watch dramas on my phone?

It was then that I remembered how one of my school classmates would watch Korean dramas on her iPod, so I looked it up and after a few hits and misses, I found “Viki”.

At that time “Viki” had just a few dramas available on its mobile app. Among them were “My Princess”, “Kpop Audition Survival”, “I miss you”, “Heartstrings”, “Full House 2” and some others that really didn’t appeal to me. I remember I started out with the former and then went on to watch “Heartstrings”. They were okay, nothing mind-blowing but they kept me occupied enough, so I decided to keep on watching them.

Guess which my third drama was.

“I miss you”?

Nope! It was “Kpop Audition Survival” with a very handsome Park Yoohwan in the lead role. I knew nothing about him, but his dimpled smile had charmed me into googling his name.

So I did as soon as the drama finished, and heaven knows how annoyed I was seeing all those headlines about some Park Yoochun instead of his younger brother Yoohwan.

As an elder sister, I’ve never felt what it was like to have the shadow of an elder sibling hanging over me, but I know my brother had experienced it at times and I found it to be very unfair towards him.

I felt truly annoyed on Yoohwan’s behalf.

“Who is this Park Yoochun they keep talking about? Is he really that amazing that I can’t find one article about Yoohwan without mentions of his elder brother?”

My curiosity got the best of me, and I gave into the temptation to google his name.

A video came up on the search engine’s best results.

It was “Wasurenaide”.

With a rather sceptical mind, I gave it a try already prepared to be disappointed, but my opinion couldn’t have been further from reality. I was completely and utterly amazed. At first, I really thought they were Japanese. Of course, from the very start I was taken away with Jaejoong’s ethereal beauty and Junsu’s angel-like voice, but then they showed Yoochun, with his long hair and… yeah.

I have a long hair fetish.

You can do the maths yourselves; I was floored.

But I was also very stubborn.

“A pretty face a pretty person doesn’t make,” I told myself, still doing my best not to like Yoochun.

So I went back to google, opened his Wikipedia page and among his listed dramas was “I miss you”, which as luck would have it, was available on Viki.

I must say though I truly love “SKKS, Rooftop Prince, 3Days, TGWSS”, I love “I miss you” the most.

Without realizing it, with every single of his smiles, tears, angry stares, loving kisses and embraces, Yoochun had replaced my conviction not to like him with a fondness that even I couldn’t explain.

My curiosity once again got the best of me and I did what I was best at – research.

As all of this happened in May 2013, one month after their Tokyo Dome performances, it’s not surprising that the first JYJ video I got on google was “Minna sora no shita”. After hearing Junsu pour his heart out in that song and reading the lyrics, I knew I was gone. If nothing else, I was definitely an admirer. Having been part of some pretty big fandoms over the years, I told myself I definitely wouldn’t become a fan again and just stay as an occasional admirer.

Ha!

Looking back at that I really want to laugh. “An occasional admirer”; how naïve of me…

I researched some more and found information regarding the lawsuit, and of course that was followed by even more research. I looked and poured over tenths of articles and reading fans’ opinion, yet I felt something was missing.

It must have been fate, for google gave me a link to the full translation of JYJ’s first magazine “A story of 1000 days” provided by Dongbangdata.

It almost called for me to read it.

And so read it I did.

I can honestly say that I had never read a more honest interview than that one. I cried reading about their hardships, and smiled like a lunatic reading about their accomplishments and antics. Their love for each other was so obvious. I was taken away by their story like a feather in the autumn wind.

“Even the skies are blocking our path,” they said about the collapsed roof, they spent so much money and efforts on making for their concert at the Jamsil stadium in 2010.

That very line made me convert from an “occasional admirer” to a fan.

I’m a very passionate person, and as a fan nothing could stop my thirst to know them better. That summer I had spent watching all the variety shows they had appeared in, reading all their interviews I could get access to, enjoying the dramas and the YouTube videos available on the internet, listening to all of their songs as JYJ and DB5K.

I was absolutely amazed by their talent and personalities.

That summer, the family I worked for had to leave back for America, and after a year of financial security, I was yet again in a place where I needed to find a job. But this time things were different; I no longer felt scared and in despair. Having read what those brilliant three men had been through, my hardships didn’t seem so bad. I found another job, and that summer when I visited my home, it was to the sound of JYJ.

Some of you might be asking yourselves then, so why did she become a Chunsa? Is it because Yoochun is handsome? His hair used to be long and she’s got a weird fetish? His acting? His voice?

The answer is – none of those. Yes, he is gorgeous, and I love his long hair, his acting is brilliant and his voice is like ambrosia. But none of them were decisive. These could apply to Jaejoong and Junsu (except for the long hair) just as well, and I love them just as much too.

The reason I became a Chunsa is because I relate to him the most.

Our family life and views on the future; our values and dreams are very similar. My parents had divorced at about the same age as his, different circumstances and reasons, but same end-result. I have come to realise that he loves his Yoohwannie and his mother, just as much as I love my Lawrence and my mum. We both long for children, first being a girl. We both like melancholy music, which can make us either sad or happy, as ironic as that sounds. He went in pursuit of his dreams at 18 to a different country, and so did I. He brought his family over to Korea, like I did with my brother at about the same age.

There were so many resemblances that just kept adding up without me even realising it. I felt a strange kind of closeness because of our experiences. Different times, places and people, but similar hearts longing for love, family and warmth.

Of course, for how similar we are, there are also many differences. But that’s what makes Yoochun perfect in my eyes. Perfect in his imperfections.

Because of Yoochun and JYJ, I have met so many incredible people. I found a twin in a different country, a kindred soul in another, very close to my heart elder and younger sisters from all over the world (whom I call at times my babies, ‘cause that’s my instinct 😀 ). Some I have met in real life, some I have yet to meet, some I have lost and some I have gained. Life was kind to me, giving me the opportunity to get a good job and to attend JYJ’s concerts and Jaejoong’s fan meetings twice. My seven year wish to visit the land of the rising sun had become true because of them. I made so many friends in Japan, both fans and non-fans (whom I’m currently working on converting, LOL).

I could never be more grateful for the inspiration they gave me and the wonderful people I have met. That’s truly what an artist makes. Up to this day, JYJ are the most radiant of stars I had the honour to find.

And it was all because of a broken laptop – my blessing in disguise.

I want to thank the Pages creators for coming up with this ingenuous idea of sharing our stories. It really goes along with the belief that Chunsa always share.

Love and kisses from Nicky ❤

Written by: 닉키 @sand_nicky

(Pictures cr. to owner/as tagged)

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