This is a story, not about me, but about a lovely girl we’re going to call Oonggirl.
In 2008, I was a huge fan of Tohoshinki because they were really like JPop more than KPop. I just liked them because their songs were good. But my big sister was really the one who made me into their fan.
When THSK split, I just followed JYJ & Yuchun. I am not really a huge fan but I adore Yuchun. I “introduced” him to my lovely cousin, Oonggirl, who was at that time living in a shell within herself. She was always alone in her room, pushing herself into drawing, studying and painting. But she was not always like that. She used to be a bright girl. She was in the Top 10 of her school and was always in Mathematics competition. But all those changed after she was dealt a problem she couldn’t handle. Her young heart was just not strong enough to overcome such a painful blow. She failed at school, she was never in the Top 10 again. She has become afraid of meeting people. Although she was happy enough when she was with her close friends. But she just “disappeared” when she went home. Everyday after school, she would just go into her room, study, sleep, and go to Cram School when she wakes up. On weekends she had to go to the hospital for treatment. She suffered severe stomach aches and would have nosebleed when she got tired or stressed out. She was sick physically, and was also emotionally unstable. Or maybe it was because of her emotional breakdown that made her physically ill. She was always angry at home, throwing stuff, etc.
After introducing her to JYJ & Yuchun she read their facts and background. She cried when she read about Yuchun’s facts. She saw someone who had had the same problems as her but was able to smile and stay strong. I think she saw herself in Yuchun. Her smile and laughter slowly returned. And even though she wasn’t in the top 10 of her class anymore, she was smiling again. We were always fangirling together at home because we lived in the same rooftop. I felt so relieved when I saw her slowly turning back to her normal, happy self again. She would tell me “How did Yuchun go through his tough life with a smile, while I can’t?” “I want to smile again, be loved and smile again.” She thought Yuchun had the same background as her, so it was also possible for her to succeed like Yuchun. She introduced Yuchun to all her friends and they all knew Yuchun was not only an idol but a “friend” to my cousin. He was her “virtual friend.” She loved Yuchun’s smile. She smiled when Yuchun smiled.
My cousin’s hospital visits lessened after knowing Yuchun and JYJ. She used to go three times a week, now she only has to go once every two weeks. Although her mother always tells her to reduce her fangirling stuff for Yuchun, she is very thankful to him because her daughter was able to open up to her because of him. How painful and helpless must it have been for a mother to see her daughter’s pain and sadness and not being able to do anything about it? And how grateful would she be to the person who made her daughter smile again?
My cousin enjoyed watching Sungkyunkwan Scandal, Rooftop Prince, Missing You, Three Days, and Sensory Couple. Even though she doesn’t like Rom-coms she still watched Yuchun’s Rom-coms and complimented Yuchun so much. But her favorite is still Three Days.
She really enjoys listening to Rapper Yuchun and Yuchun’s deep voice. All her playlists are JYJ’s & Yuchun’s songs that he sang during Fanmeetings. She always watched Yuchun’s fancams. When JYJ had their JYJ Worldwide Concert in Seoul in Winter and JYJ Japan Tour in 2010, she cried. She changed her notebook three times because they got so full of Yuchun videos that they crashed. I told her not to pour so much feelings & love for Yuchun because it might hurt her someday. But then, if it helps her overcome her personal problems, who am I to tell her to love Yuchun less?
She always went to school by foot, with her white headphone stuck in her ears listening to JYJ’s Found You, You’re (in Tokyodome), Colors – Melody & Harmony, 서른, Dad You There?, Unnamed Song Part 1, Yuchun’s Leaning On You, Epitone Project because Yuchun liked Epitone Project 김연우 – 바람, 어디에서 부는지 ( Yuchun’s favorite OST) and 이 밤의 끝을 잡고. She always gets teary-eyed when she listens to Dad, You There? She says her heart gets a-trembling every time Yuchun mentions his father during concerts and fanmeets. She really misses her father so much.
She has always wanted so badly to go to a JYJ Concert or a Yuchun Fanmeeting. Finally, it happened in 2014. My brother accompanied her in my stead. But she went to the JYJ Concert in an unhealthy condition. My brother said they were on the plane when she started nose-bleeding again. But she just told him it was because of her flu and it was cold on the plane. But my brother was really worried and told her that they should just go back home. She said she can do it, she will make it to the concert. When they arrived at the hotel my brother said she was so happy and she smiled a lot. He said she had a smile on her lips when she finally fell asleep.
On the day of the concert, while queuing at the concert venue her body was shaking so much she left the queue and went to my brother. My brother said she was sweating and was afraid. In the end she braced herself and went inside and was among the last ones to go in.
She said it was an unbelievable concert! But she could only jump a little because of her condition. When Yuchun sang “Be my girl” it felt like he was only 40cm in front of her face and and her smile. But she couldn’t take photos of him because her hands were shaking so bad. At the end of the concert she told my brother it was the happiest moment of her life. She said she wanted Yuchun to adopt her as his little sister haha!
When she saw Yuchun cry while singing Himawari no Yakusoku in his last Fanmeeting in Yokohama, she cried with him. She is a stronger girl now, but seeing Yuchun cry was just too much for her. Now she’s watching all of Yuchun’s & JYJ’s Fancams with a smile, although sometimes with tears too. She said “I don’t want to waste this precious time with Yuchun before he enlists and regret it later.” She tries to hang out with her friends, do some activities when she feels lonely and she misses him. She wants to see Yuchun’s enlistment with a light heart and a smile. She wants to say to Yoochun “I will not forget you, Yuchun Oppa, I feel thankful to you for these many years. Sorry I don’t have enough money to buy your fanmeeting tickets, DVD, and albums. I only support you with prayer & love from my house. Even if you don’t know me, I know you and thank you. I wish I could see you in a Hip Hop concert when you return. I hope I could meet you someday.”
Personally, I am very grateful to JYJ, they are our lucky charm. My sister got engaged after watching their concert in 2013 haha. And my sister’s friend who went with her, whose husband jokingly warned her they will have a baby after 2 months if she watch JYJ, really did get pregnant after 2 months haha!
I am especially grateful to Yuchun, for unknowingly helping my cousin overcome her deep unhappiness and become a brighter girl again. Although right now she is still not very confident in meeting people, but she is slowly getting better. I want to thank Yuchun for being an inspiration and a “virtual friend” to her. I want to tell him, do your duty for your country safely and take care of yourself. After doing your duty, please come back stronger and even more manly and gentle. And please meet my cousin. I beg you. Thank you so much.
PS: I want to say to all Yuchun’s fans in the world, I know you love Yuchun so much, but you have to take care of yourself too. Some people look down on fangirls, but it was being Yuchun’s fangirl that helped my cousin to get well and to somehow return back to her brighter self. He wasn’t an addiction to her, he was her healing. He was her solace. Thank you so much for the support you have been giving to Yuchun all this time. You really are the best. Take care always.
Written by: Silent Reader
I was not even halfway through reading this story when I broke down. Yes, I sobbed. I guess I’m too much of an emotional person. I couldn’t help it. This story made my heart ache.
Each of us has our own storms to go through. But we are never left to go through them alone. Isn’t it amazing how that young boy who came out of his own storms with his heart and soul intact was used to help this girl go through hers?